September 1993

Tracy and I had lunch and wine in the park and her voice reminded me of the past. I wonder if Brandon, who is such a good and regular liar, ever lies to me. What protects me?

The journey my homosexuality has taken me on has been odd and rewarding.

Flannel sheets would not let me go. They held me tightly in their plaid grip and I dreamed.

Money terrifies me.

I try to think of God but nothing can change the past. How sweet this helplessness.

Met a thirty-year-old lawyer at Mark and Brian's. It was nice to kiss and feel someone else's body against mine.

We went back to Brandon's, had vodka-tonics and took nude photos of me.

I visited Lisa at Blind Faith Café in Evanston. She came around the counter and hugged me. "I miss you," she said. Things have changed a great deal.

Lena's here. She's absolutely delightful. I'm in love. She's a darling.

I got high and wondered why I do things I hate.